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Rule number one: Always have an escape plan.

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People always make jokes about beer tasting gross but nobody mentions that wine tastes like someone peed in old grape juice

Here’s my impression of every fucking creep on a hot girls Facebook photo:

"sexy… ;)"

My girlfriend, who doesn’t know much about Harry Potter, texted me that she was watching Deathly Hallows.

I immediately called her and the first thing I said was “here’s what you need to know.”

Pretend you’re me and write me an “About Me”.

Sometimes I catch a really old facebook or tumblr post or something and I see the way I acted, treated and talked about girls years ago. 

Back before I’d ever dated or slept with or even really kissed a girl.

I was such a piece of shit; calling girls bitches and saying they only liked shitty guys because they didn’t want to date me. I didn’t realize that I was manipulating them and that the friend zone wasn’t real. I didn’t realize that what I was doing was actually hurting them, because I was convince I was “the right guy” for them when we had nothing in common besides the fact I thought they were pretty and they talked to me.

I feel so much guilt every time I think about it. I’m so glad I grew and changed. I’m so glad my ideas of relationships and gender equality and sexuality have grown so much.

why do you take so many selfies
Anonymous

Because, I spent the first 20-or-so years of my life overweight and incredibly insecure. I lost more than half my weight. And after all this time, I’m finally proud of who I am and how I look and the world deserves to see it.

Oh, also, my tattoos and piercings are sexy as shit

When you post a good selfie and it doesn’t get notes

· me · totally me · i love craig · parks and rec · gif · funny · lol ·
how do you feel about Bethany Mota on Dancing With The Stars?
Anonymous

I think it’s awesome that people from Youtube are getting more recognition. There are a lot of people who deserve it. But the celebrity culture rising out of that is really worrisome.

I’m going to sound like an asshole when I say this, but I’m going to say this anyway because it’s true. I started Youtube pretty young. I’ve been on there since I was 15. And it was a very different thing back then.

Youtubers were just people. Even big, “famous” youtubers were just chill people. As long as you went up to them and weren’t an asshole or a spazoid, they usually liked you and you ended up being friends with them. I talked to DeStorm a bunch of times and met him in person a bunch of times before he really blew up. Fuck, I spent my 17th birthday in an apartment with RayWilliamJohnson, MeekaKitty and TheWillOfDC, watching SAW movies and eating junk food and it was one of the best birthdays of my life.

Then things started to change. As Youtube became more of a mainstream success and Vidcon grew in popularity, younger and younger people began to watch and idolize the bigger Youtubers. It created an obvious dichotomy between different tiers of Youtubers. People like me, with 15,000 subscribers and moderate success, were still where we were. But big Youtubers were and are unstoppable fucking forces of nature. They get deals and move on to big projects and they seem like, next level.

I’ve met and hung out with so many “big” youtubers, none of that shit phases me anymore. I’ve seen teenagers flock to famous Youtube people, and it still freaks me out, because on occasion someone on the street will stop me and ask if I’m MyAnnoyances from Youtube and even that is surreal.

I’ve avoided Vidcon for the past few years, mostly because I know me. If I go to Vidcon, all I’m going to do is hang out at the bar and get hammered so I can keep an obvious barrier between me and the 16 year old fangirls who permeate every bit of that place now.

I love Youtube. I want to go back to it. I don’t think I’ll have success, but I enjoy making people laugh. But that new celebrity culture of it, especially when these aren’t really “celebrities” bothers me.

Honesty Hour! Ask Me Anything! →

I’m super bored and working on a saturday, so I’m doing an Honesty Hour.

Ask me anything (within reason) over the next 60 minutes and I’ll answer it.

I had a dream last night that I became a famous comedian, writer and actor, and I was getting interviewed and the guy said “So, what’s the main thing that drives you and keeps pushing you forward?” and I said “Well.. I need everyone to like me at all times.”

Pretty accurate tbh

Forever getting into Facebook arguments over casual misogyny

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