Rule number one: Always have an escape plan.

1 2 3 4 5

I’m an atheist so If I ever go to court I hope they make me swear on something I actually believe in, like a science textbook, or a stack of Chinese takeout menus, or a dvd box set of season 6 of Friends.

I’m drunk and in love and she’s asleep

So I’m just gonna text her about how pretty her dumb face is

Now that you're in a relationship do you regret having one night stands or getting with random people at bars and parties?

What? No, how weird is this question?

Why would being with someone I care for now have any effect on what I did in my past?

It’s not like it’s a competition, my girlfriend didn’t come in 2nd place or something just because she’s not the first person I’ve done stuff with.

I was a virgin until fairly recently. I’m 22 in like 2 months and I lost my virginity pretty close to my 20th birthday.

Since then I’ve been with like 13 women or so. I couldn’t say the number off the top of my head because at that point it would seem like I was building a fucking address book.

I was young, I was out having fun, I found myself drawn to some women so I talked to them and eventually stuff happened. I learned a lot, about having sex and about interacting with people and about what it means to live in the moment.

I have a lot of funny experiences that have turned Into good stories.

I found someone during all of this nonsense and things changed. In the human world we call this “growth.” I was having fun talking to and getting with random women when they caught my attention, but as soon as she had me captivated it turned into something different.

You treat every interaction with every woman differently because they’re fucking people and they’re all fucking different.

Do I know whatll happen if we eventually break up? No. Will I only want to sleep with women I love or will I go back to just doing my thing and living in the moment? Fuck if I know. Here’s what I do know.

Right now, I can’t visualize an aspect of my future without her in it. I love her. And my past experience in no way colors or lessens what I have with her.

You can romanticize sex when it’s romantic and make it seem like a purely physical thing when it’s purely physical, but sex as a concept is as complicated as the people having it, and you’ll do yourself no favors by trying to generalize it one way or the other.

What kind of sexy things can you do in the dark ;)

Well like 10 minutes ago I tried to put my pajama pants on in the dark, accidentally stuck both legs in the same pant leg and fell over so hard I woke up everyone in my house.

I call it the “clumsy sack race”



what have you learned from being in a relationship?

I’ve realized recently that people get kind of tired of how mushy and sappy I get when I talk about my girlfriend, so I’m going to start with a humorous answer that you can take and stop reading if you want.

Humorous answer:

I’ve learned that a lot more girls wanted to fuck me than I was aware of, apparently. I don’t know what happened but as soon as my relationship was out in the open on facebook I got messages from girls I’ve flirted with, girls I’ve hooked up with, and girls I high fived once after taking a shot, a lot of them being all “man I was totally giving you vibes and we could’ve done this and that”

I don’t know if the thirst factor just increases exponentially as soon as you get a girlfriend but Jesus Christ. It was like one of those Power Rangers episodes where all the previous Red Rangers show up for one big episode, except it was girls I’ve talked to at one point or another.

The real answer:

I learned I deserve love. I learned that relationships take work to build and maintain. I learned that your partner and your best friend essentially meld into the same person. I learned that the reason none of the previous “relationships” I had worked out was because I was waiting for the right woman at the right time, and she’s it. And most of all, I learned why it’s called falling in love. You’re walking around, living your life, minding your own business, and when this person comes into it like a comet crashing to Earth.

The ground is pulled from under your feet in an instant, and you’re falling.

So I think I’m just going to get super attractive and get more tattoos and follow my dreams and everything is going to work out

The girlfriend came to my job just to bring me Nerds Candy, Monster Rehab and a brownie.

If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.

What do you mean I can’t put my dog as a reference on this job application

I'll try to give solid answers.

1) Sexuality?
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
4) What do you think about most?
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
7) What's your strangest talent?
8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
13) What's your religion?
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
17) What was the last lie you told?
18) Do you believe in karma?
19) What does your URL mean?
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
23) How do you vent your anger?
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
28) What's your biggest "what if"?
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
36) Define Art.
37) Do you believe in luck?
38) What's the weather like right now?
39) What time is it?
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
41) What was the last book you read?
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
43) Do you have any nicknames?
44) What was the last movie you saw?
45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
48) What's your sexual orientation?
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
50) Do you believe in magic?
51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
52) What is your astrological sign?
53) Do you save money or spend it?
54) What's the last thing you purchased?
55) Love or lust?
56) In a relationship?
57) How many relationships have you had?
58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
59) Where were you yesterday?
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
61) Are you wearing socks right now?
62) What's your favorite animal?
63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
64) Where is your best friend?
65) Spit or swallow?(;
66) What is your heritage?
67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
77) How can I win your heart?
78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
80) What size shoes do you wear?
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
82) What is your favorite word?
83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
84) What is a saying you say a lot?
85) What's the last song you listened to?
86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
87) What is your current desktop picture?
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
98) Ever been on a plane?
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
I started following you when I stumbled upon one of your videos and it had me laughing for a long while. Plus when I go on my creep scrolls through people's tumblrs your honesty made me click the follow button ^_^

hahaha thank you so much! We’ve been mutual follows for the longest time

Sarcasm to my response about you not being around?

No I mean, like, oh nooo someone I know in real life follows me on here, that can’t be good

Because you're super hottttt

I don’t agree, but thanks!

viwan themes